KEEP BALANCED

Keep Balanced

  It is easy to get overcommitted, burned out, bummed out, worn out, and stressed out if you are trying to keep up with too many commitments. It is out of balance to try to do everything. If you are happy doing what you do, keep doing it.  But if it wears you out and robs you of peace, don't do it. What sense does it make to commit to something, and then murmur and complain about it while you're doing it?

  Being overcommitted will frustrate you. Anxiety is usually a sign that God never told you to do what you are doing in the first place. To avoid frustration in your life, keep in balance.  

  These paragraphs were written by Joyce Meyer in "Starting Your Day Right" in her Devotions book.

   A perfect message for me to hear after these last couple of trying weeks.  Trying…not in a bad way.  Just in a way in which I am not accustomed.  Busy weeks.  Holiday weeks.

   Business-wise, I really have no clue in which direction to take my new business.  Having already learned so much with my business since retiring from Safeway, all I know is it’s holiday time and that means the time to make money.  But where do I concentrate my efforts?  

   Well I put it out there, to the universe and my Higher Power, and everybody.  Sit back and enjoy the ride, Dee.  I’ve made sales, got custom orders, did a crafts fair.  Doesn’t seem like enough for me, but for my first holiday season, I’m happy.

   Physically, my body told me something’s awry.  Perhaps it started at Thanksgiving.  The fact that we were invited to four Thanksgiving gatherings set me off-balance straight away.  But I chose to attend each gathering so that I may enjoy the company of people special to me…and yes, I chose to eat at three of the four gatherings.  I always know when I eat too much when my stomach is so full that my back hurts.

   Day after Thanksgiving comes a two-day crafts fair.  Physically trying as I no like doing crafts fairs.  I like creating art, not selling it.  Get real, Dee.  Can’t have one without the other and have a successful business.

   Start getting sore throat at crafts fair.  Oh oh.  Family is flying in Monday afternoon.  Netty pot, citrus, ZiCam…  But house is messy and Christmas decorations aren’t up.  Might as well wrap presents while putting up the decorations for Granny to enjoy.  Wait.  Haven’t ordered Christmas cards yet.  Or written the Harris annual letter that goes with the cards.

   Feeling shitty but continue on with projects.  All the while doing business on the side.  Auntie calls.  She won’t be making it Monday afternoon after all.  They’ll be here late Tuesday.  Ahhh.  Bummer.  But get to rest a bit before they arrive.

   Spiritually, haven’t meditated or taken any Dee time since “I can’t remember when”.  Continued attending meetings which helped get centered until the family arrived.  Once they were here, chose to spend every minute with them.  Stupid, in retrospect.  Why can’t I pull myself away from Grandma for an hour to recenter?  I’d be better off, as would she and the rest of the world, to remember who and what I am.

   So I am really out of balance now.  My family is here and we’re enjoying each other’s company and love.  My granny gets my sickness, as does our other guest, Pat.  Really, Dee.  What choice did I have but to go to a hotel?  Too late.

   I continue trudging my path to happy destiny.  I’m getting better as are they.  Not a lot of busyness nor chaos during their stay.  Wonderful, as a matter of fact.  Lots of eating and bonding.  All the while getting some business in on the side.

   Mentally, I thought I was okay.  Which is why I’m sharing this “Keep Balanced” blog.  While family was here we discussed “giving”.  I’m a giver.  Don’t know when to say “no”.  Even when saying “yes” knocks me clear out of balance to the other side of the galaxy.  I rationalize and tell myself it’s the “aloha way” which is what I love so much about living in Hawaii.  It gives my heart joy and sends it soaring like an eagle.  What goes around, comes around.  Stop it, Dee, before I puke.  

   So we discuss the negatives and the positives about being there for others.  We discuss the line between when I’m being helpful and when I’m being used.  I believe this is a work in progress for me.  This is part of my Fourth Step and my inventory and working on my character defects.  This is also about taking everything I’ve learned in A.A. and applying it to my life.  Progress, not perfection.  I’ve learned to put puzzling and troubling situations in my God Box, sit back, and enjoy the ride.

   So this is where I am today.  Enjoying the ride.  My family has since returned to the Mainland.  Auntie and I had words via text which were uncomfortable for me regarding “giving”.  I needed to write this to take the power out of the words and hand them over to my Higher Power and have faith that I am a human being trying to do the best I can and everything is happening for a reason and I shall be okay.  Today my goal is keeping balanced.  Prioritizing.  Staying out of HALT…hungry, angry, lonely, tired.  With that, I shall be able to walk the tightrope called life…balanced!

   Have a mighty fine day.  Thank you for being here for me.  Merry Christmas!

   For those interested in Christmas gifts, I have a website at www.DeesignsByHarris.com with Gifts in Recovery and Hawai’i Art.  Not too late for Christmas!  No stress!