Mo'o Madness

Mo'o, or Gecko, Madness

  The household gecko brings good luck to a home and killing a gecko is to invoke bad luck. Hawaiians have much respect for the gecko not only because it eats its weight in insects, it bears a great resemblance to the powerful aumakua, the mo’o.
  However, the Hawaiian guardian spirit, mo’o, refers to a much larger gleaming black dragon-like reptile found in ponds, especially fishponds, and sometimes in caves. Mentioned in Hawaii’s creation legends, this ancient animal ranks second to the shark or mano in importance as an aumakua.
  It is mysterious and is deemed a capricious animal and while some mo’o are considered benevolent aumakua, there are many legends that paint them as fearsome and monstrous. Thus the mo’o were both revered and feared by the ancient Hawaiians. They are almost invariably depicted as female and benevolent mo’o goddesses bring bountiful offerings of fish to the fishponds and great prosperity to the village. In human form as seductress, the mo’o would eat or drown her lover, rather than share him with another woman.
  They are shapeshifters and can appear as a large dragon measuring anywhere between 12-30 feet or the tiny gecko. The aumakua imparts its wisdom to its descendants through dreams.

Famous Mo’o Goddesses

  There are some disputes as to who was the original Mo’o goddess whose lineage continued to both mo’o and humans. Some believe that it was Mo’oinanea while others think it to be Haumea. Whoever was the Mo’o matriarch, the importance is that she was the union of Wakea (or Father Sky) and Papa (or Earth Mother) and the Mo’o offspring represented the union of the energy and power or mana of the sky and the earth.
  In another legend, Mo’oinanea also known as the Self Reliant Dragon came to Hawaii along with the migration of the Hawaiian Gods from their cloud island dwellings in the sky, which were called Nuu-mea-lani and Kuai-he-lani. Mo’oinanea was also in some traditions acknowledged to be the mother of Namakaokaha'i, who ruled the oceans; of Pele, Goddess of Fire and the Volcano; of the Hi'iaka sisters , rulers of the lava flows and the medicinal herbs that grew in new fertile lava, and Kapo'ulakina'u, Goddess of the prayers to bring about death and also to bring the dead back to life. Altogether, pretty powerful goddesses were descended from the Mo’o Matriarch.
  Kihawahine is one of the more famous recent Mo’o goddesses. She was a 16th century princess who was deified as the Mo’o goddess of Maui when she died. It was believed she had supernatural or psychic powers and King Kalakaua or Hawaii’s Merrie Monarch and Queen Lili’uokalani were both descendants of the Mo’o Goddess.
  Kihawahine wielded spiritual power and also political power. The great King Kamehameha worshipped her and had among his wives, three women who counted the Mo’o goddess as their ancestor. He was also believed to have carried an image representing the Mo’o goddess on his way to a pivotal battle. His victory allowed him to consolidate all the islands under his rule, making him the first king of a united Hawaii.
  As a goddess, Kihawahine lived in a large ancient fishpond which surrounded Moku’ula, a little rock island on Maui. By making her home there, she brought luck to Moku’ula which became the center of political power for the island of Maui. The ancient fishpond eventually dried up and was covered to later become part of a baseball field. However, the site is now being restored as a sacred site and the ancient freshwater springs which fed her home will be uncovered and will refill the pond again.

Importance of the Gecko

  To some who study Hawaiian mythology the gecko is a symbolism of the genealogy which connects the ancestor to the descendant.  The gecko’s prominent and flexible backbone is made of equal segments from head to tail. Therefore, its eyes represent future generations, the front feet are the children, the next segment stands for makua or the parents, the kupuna refer to grandparents and the elders. Next come the ka,’iwi or the bones of the ancestors and finally at the tail’s end the aumauka, or the family’s guardian spirit. Further, the gecko is seen as the intermediary between the human and animals, and between the human and the gods. It can also symbolize keeping an eye on the past and the other on the future.

Symbolism of Mo’o

  If Mo’o appears in your life, it is a message to look at your fears so you can dissolve them. Like Mo’o in the form of the monster, fears destroy your power and make you doubt your abilities and your dreams. However, when you face your fears, the Mo’o goddess will be benevolent and will, like she did with Kamehameha, make you a king, in this case, of yourself.

   I so love mythology.  In high school I took a mythology class and then again in college I took Latin, and studied mythology in the Latin language.  I find these stories so intriguing.  When I saw this article about Hawaiian mythology about the mo'o, another of my pets besides the pua'a (pig), on HawaiianLife.com (submitted by Mike on 4/15/10), well, I just had to share because I so love Hawaii as well.
   Hawaii is a very spiritual island; that is what drew me to her in the first place.  Her flora and fauna hold that same special spirituality.  The honu, turtles, called me here before I ever made the move.  I have attached myself to many a wild hog, and the mo'o and I have quite the special bond as well.
   I have found dead mo'o on my door mats.  Whether they crawled there to die or brought by a cat, I'll never know.  I have collected quite the array of dead mo'o carcasses.  I did not kill them.  They die, as everything does, but these just happened to do so in or around our hale (home).
   I have used their skeletons in some of my artwork.  I find them fascinating as they die in many a shape and form. I will now experience the mo'o in a completely different and beautiful way.
   For those interested in seeing my Mo'o Madness artwork, please visit my website at www.DeesignsByHarris.com.
   Until next Monday, thank you for letting me share and have a mighty fine day!

UNCOVER YOUR TRUE SELF

UNCOVER YOUR TRUE SELF

   The only way to understand your true self is to begin the work of uncovering it.  But first you must be able to distinguish between your false self and your true self.  When you are feeling secure, accepted, peaceful and certain, you are experiencing your true self.  When you are overwhelmed by stress, crisis, doubts and insecurity, your false self has control.

   I am trying meditation.  A very dear friend has shared with me a free 14-day internet program, Deepak Chopra’s Secrets of Meditation, at mentorschannel.com, which I am finding fantastic!  I have tried meditation before but found it quite difficult to shut up the committee in my head. My acupuncturist relayed to me that there are many forms of meditation and the traditional kind is not for me. So I put it off for a while longer until this program which, again, is showing me that I can actually do this!

   Each day's 15-minute meditation comes with a few short paragraphs and a few short words to help with that day’s particular meditation's theme.  Just reading the words gets the seeds in my whirlwind brain a-sprouting for a wonderful and relaxing journey. 

   Seems as though all my thoughts and actions occur in a gratuitous way due to my sobriety.  But more importantly, sobriety has given me spirituality that I believe is the essence of my being and purpose now.  All a bit too hokey for you?  Would be for me too if I was reading this.  No,

I'm still the sick selfish kid I've always been with the “If it ain’t fun, I ain't doin' it!” mentality.  But I'm finding this fun and exciting and teaching me more each day about the Dee I never knew was in there.

   When I went to treatment back in '98 I learned about a new and huge part of myself...my alcoholism...my disease.  I felt like a sponge absorbing every drop of this new knowledge about what makes Dee tick.  As in Deepak's first sentence I was graced to be able to understand my true self by uncovering it.  I was and still am working on shedding the shame, humiliation and dread of the disease.  I was given a choice I didn't previously have of whether or not to pick up a drink or drug. I chose to put my disease in remission, leave it there, knowing it's doing push-ups waiting for that pinhole of weakness that will pick me right back up and splat me right back down to the eternal flames in Hell.  I know this in my heart and I know this because the fellowship of AA has taught me this.  And, okay, I know this because I relapsed.

   I learned a lot of things in treatment and AA meetings.  I learned a design for living that was simple, but not always easy.  I realized that I had been chosen not to die in a gutter or a dumpster but to carry a message of hope that, yes, you too can live a better life.

   Two of the many AA slogans are "Keep coming back. It works." and "One Day at a Time."  The more sobriety I got under my belt, the more complacent I got.  I stopped going to meetings.  I stopped being there for the newcomer.  I stopped carrying the message.  And one day at a time I picked up another drink, totally baffled that I would do that.  You see, meetings are for me like going to church and giving thanks for my many blessings.  Meetings are where I can be of service and not forget how shitty my life was before you put your hand out to me and gave me hope.  I stopped sharing was so freely given to me when I needed it most...when I was at my bottom.

   I am now going to meetings again to build up my insurance policy in case I find myself confronted with another pinhole of weakness.  It didn't matter that I had over 13 years of sobriety.  It didn't matter that I thought that first drink through to the end knowing I could end up in the gutter or dumpster.  It didn't even matter that I said "No, thank you, I haven't had a drink in over 13 years”.  When that shot of tequila was left there for me in case I changed my mind, with my lapsed insurance policy, I picked up.  One drink.  That's all it takes, girls and boys.  It's that first drink.  The disease that was doing push-ups in prison for all those years was buff and had six-pack abs (no pun intended).  The obsession immediately takes over my mind, body and soul.  What a sad place to be. 

   Got my ass back in meetings, every day, 90 meetings in 90 days, even though I couldn’t help myself and admitted I had drank the night before.  Day after day.  Night after night.  But my chair was still waiting for me and the fellowship greeted me with love and open arms and understanding.  I was home again getting right-sized (another slogan).  Miraculously, once again, the obsession was lifted.

   I love this journey of mine and the lessons I have learned along the way.  Deepak's second sentence is to distinguish between my false and true self.  I am on that journey and am still discovering and learning to love my true self a little bit more everyday.  Makes me sad about all those years spent being the false Dee, but wouldn't be me today without them.  I am starting to feel secure, accepted, peaceful and certain (sentence#3) which is so awesome to know I am finally starting to experience my true self.

   Hey, you might not have any addictions, but I still highly recommend this meditation, unless, of course, you haven't any stress, crisis, doubts and insecurity.  All I know is that my life is good today and I have contentment I never thought possible.

   With that, have a mighty fine day and see you next Monday.

   For those interested in my gifts in recovery, please visit my website at DeesignsByHarris.com.

We Sink to Rise

We Sink to Rise

Ralph Waldo Emerson

   I'm looking for this week's blog that I wrote earlier this week.  It's gone.  Totally disappeared.  Hate it when that happens.  Especially since I was pretty happy with it.  Anyone watch the youtube video about "memories"?  It’s hysterical!  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzSaoN2LdfU&feature=share)

   Anyway, I  see this quote by Emerson and it touches me.  I'll write about it instead.  Made me think about sinking.  Feel like I sunk a bit, got a bit sad, a bit pissed, a bit disappointed when I couldn't find my blog.  Get over it, Dee...shit happens.

   Then I get to thinking what sinking really means to me.  Sinking.  Going down.  Going down the drain of the sink.  Down the drain to the sewer.  Down to the depths of Hell.  Sinking has a negative connotation in my mind.

   To rise, on the other hand, has a positive connotation.  Rise.  Elevate.  Elevate to another level.  Get better.  Get to a higher level.  Heaven.  Nice.

   In the pettiness of it all I can take this quote and relate it to my losing my blog.  Just a little bit of inconvenience and wasted time.  Was the time really wasted, Dee?  No.  At the time I quieted my mind and reached into my heart which is what I do when I blog.  No, no time wasted.  Did this incident cause a "rise" in me?  Yes.  I am learning through the 12 Steps of AA and the fellowship to "live life on life's terms" and "to let go and let God".  This all happened for a reason.  Don't sweat the small stuff.  Move forward.  Write another blog.

  I can really relate the sink and rise thing with my alcoholism.  Okay, duh, the sinking part came when I was in the depths of my disease.  When I found that I no longer had a choice of whether or not I wanted to drink, that was bad.  When it no longer was wanted a drink, but needed a drink, that was bad.  When I knew that taking a drink would only make things worse, that was bad.  When I knew that it wouldn't be only one drink but many, that was bad.  You see, I had to drink.  The disease and the obsession were so strong I couldn't fight them.  At least not on my own.  I wasn't a stupid person.  I wasn't a weak person.  The disease was just stronger than all my might and it won. 

   Now for the rise.  I like this part the best.  Once I became so desperate, hit bottom, swallowed my pride, and was so sick and tired of being sick and tired, the miracle happened.  Not just like that though.  I was so desperate that I prayed to my dad in Heaven who I feel died from this disease even though the death certificate says differently.  I never prayed.  I didn't go to church.  I didn't have religion.  But with that, soon thereafter, I found myself in a predicament, a dilemma, that said "Dee, ask for help".  I know in my heart that Dad came to my rescue.

  So I did.  Not that easy though.  I was ashamed.  Embarrassed.  Humiliated.  Scared.  Was the hardest thing I ever did.  Get honest.  Surrender.  Having been blessed with the opportunity of a 28-day treatment program, the rest is history.  Treatment is great, but for me AA is key.  Drinking will never be the same again.  My life will never be the same again!  I got to rise from the sinkhole to a place where I have purpose and excitement to wake up every morning.

   Had a not sunk I most definitely wouldn't appreciate what I have today.  My life is good.  I am content.  I am happy.  I have a fantastic relationship with my spouse and family.  I have more genuine friends that I could have ever imagined.  I live in a beautiful place on a magical island.  I have a purpose of helping those who are yet unable to help themselves.  My heart soars when I can be of service.  I have retired from my job to pursue my passion of art and a web-based business.  I am comfortable in my own skin.  I am able to love myself.  Indeed, we sink to rise.  I know I did.    

   With that, see you all next Monday!  Have a mighty fine day and week!

   For those interested in my web-based business of Gifts in Recovery, please visit DeesignsByHarris.com.  Aloha!

It Is As Hard to See One's Self As to Look Backwards

Without Turning Around

Henry David Thoreau

   I often say that I wouldn't go back one day, one year, one decade in my life.  I have learned that I'm right where I need to be.  And why would I?  Today, right now, I have found peace and serenity; I have found contentment and faith; I have found love of self and of my fellows.  My life is good.  My life is awesome!

   Ok, you say, but what about the aches and pains?  What about the jelly belly and bat wings?  What about loss of vision and memory?  Hey, I earned all those things through 58 years of blood, sweat and tears.  I don't know if I'm in my " golden" years.  58 sound old to me, yet 58 sounds young to me.  As George Burns puts it, "Young. Old. Just words."  I like that, George.  It's all in the mindset and how I look at things...and, more importantly, how I feel about things.

   Ok, I still struggle with finances.  Silly me retired from my job of over 19 years to pursue my passion as an artist.  I've yet to receive a pension check.  I don't even know how much it will be!  But something deep inside kept pulling me away from the comfort zone of Safeway to do something more purposeful.  My counselor in treatment said to me before releasing me back "into the real world" that it was a waste, my being a grocery checker, that I had much more to offer. That sat in the back of my mind for 15 years as I trudged the road of happy destiny.  And the Goat and my Goat Horoscope (born in the Chinese astrological year of the goat) kept pulling me this year to pursue my dreams, get out of my comfort zone, achieve greatness, and enjoy the ride!  Kinda scary, but learned to go with faith and not my thoughts...live from my heart and not my head.

   I have learned so much this first month of Safeway retirement.  Most of my non-recovery efforts being placed in striving for a successful business.  Being from the old computer-less school of hard knocks, I am learning a whole new way of high tech business.  And as much as I love creating AA Unity...Service...Recovery stained glass triangles, I have learned not to put all my eggs in the " recovery" basket and to get back out creating non-recovery art as well.  It doesn't matter to me what I'm creating, as I'm living my passion!  It's all recovery and therapy and gratitude to me whilst pouring my heart into my art.  I must have balance and that goes for the rest of my life as well.

   So you see already in this short month of "real job" retirement, I look backwards, but I ain't turning around.  I've come so far and learned so much!  But that ain't nothing in comparison of looking back without turning around in my life in recovery.  I have a design for living as I have learned the 12 Steps and strive to live the steps which has taught me to search deep within myself to find out what makes Dee tick.  You see, it wasn't an alcohol or drug issue that took me down; that was just a symptom of my disease.  It was a Dee issue.  How mind-blowing and freeing to be able to discover my make up and why I reacted throughout my life the way I did.  More miraculously is that I don't have to live that way today or ever again!  No, I ain't turning around.  How awesome that I don't have to pick up a drink or a drug today when I don't like how I'm feeling. Hey, Dee, that's just human nature and not everyday is going to come up smelling like roses.  I have tools today to help me live life on life's terms and today that's a damned good life.  Today I'm so very grateful, so very thankful, for looking backwards and seeing how far I've come.  Today I have a choice of not using, whereas, I did not have a choice 15 years ago and lived in the darkness at least that long.  Today I have allowed inspiring people into my life who are genuinely here for me.  Today I have a purpose of sharing this message and offering hope to those who are still struggling.

   With that I shall end for this week.  I wish you all peace...and, please, try to have a mighty fine day...look backwards without turning around...it's all about moving forward in a better and more positive direction!  With much Aloha, Dee.

   For those curious about my new art business, please visit my website at DeesignsByHarris.com.