Emotions Are Our Greatest Motivators

  

Good Aloha Monday!  Shall be using a new blog site...http://deesignsbyharris.com/blog.  Mahalo nui loa for your continued support.  Have a great day, everyone!

  

 There is a particular aspect of mental strength that is the deciding factor of whether or not you will have a good life. There are many levels to mental strength and all are needed to be successful and happy. The one particular area of mental strength that has the greatest impact is that of emotional strength.

   Emotions are, of course, a part of our psyche, yet nevertheless, can be distinguished from the remainder of mental qualities because they most directly influence our physical body. They affect the way our body functions and they drive every single one of our actions. Without emotion, we would have no reason to act, to do anything with ourselves.

   Emotions are our greatest motivators. Unfortunately, they can motivate us to act in any direction, even the wrong one. For this reason, emotional strength is essential. There are countless situations that emotionally strong people avoid and many actions they never take. Here are 15 of them:

1. They Don’t Beg For Attention

Needing attention is directly linked to emotion. Those who feel the need for recognition only find themselves experiencing feelings of worth when others make them feel needed; it’s as if these people are uncertain of their value, or if they have any ounce of self-worth. Feeling unsure of your worth is a self-fulfilling prophecy; if you don’t know you matter, then no one will ever believe you do.

2. They Don’t Allow Others To Bring Them Down

Emotional strength requires resilience. This world is filled with haters and trolls. There are jealous eyes lurking around every corner. The unfortunate truth is that often the people who hold us back the most are those closest to us. Getting rid of these people is often the best solution, but also the most difficult. If you can quietly remove these people from your life, that’s one fewer bridge burned and much less of an emotional trigger.

3. They Don’t Hold Grudges

If you’re holding a grudge, then you already care more about a situation than you should. If a person apologizes genuinely, forgive him or her. If this person doesn’t apologize, then don’t interact with him or her, but don’t hold grudges. People with whom you seek to alienate and hold grudges against take up too much of your mental energy, doing more harm than good.

4. They Never Stop Doing Their Own Thing

Emotionally strong individuals do what they do because they love doing it. They don’t plan on slowing down or stopping for anyone who deems their happiness inappropriate.

5. They Never Stop Believing In Themselves

Those who love themselves and understand themselves — those who aren’t afraid or proud to be themselves — never doubt themselves. You amount to your own self-worth, not a shilling more.

6. They Don’t Act Like Bitches Or Assh*les

People are mean. But we wonder, why? Being a jerk is only good as an intimidation factor, and if you’re trying to intimidate people, then you better be a negotiator by profession; if you’re intimidating just for the sake of it, you’re obviously overcompensating for a lack of confidence. Do you also drive a very large automobile, perhaps? I hear they make pills for that.

7. They Know Better Than To Let Just Anyone Into Their Lives

The emotionally strong are emotionally strong for a reason: They don’t expose themselves to people who break down their defenses and crush their morale. Most people in the world are lost and will be more than happy to take you along with them. Don’t let an awful acquaintance ruin your happiness.

8. They Aren’t Afraid To Love

If you’re afraid to love, you don’t have enough confidence in yourself. You obviously think you can’t be in a lasting relationship, but only in one that is doomed for disaster. You don’t want to get hurt again because getting hurt really sucks. There is no reason for you to get your heart broken again because you are awesome. If things don’t work out, it’s not you. It’s the two of you together. Unless, of course, you are an awful human being; in that case, it is you.

9. They Don’t Lie In Bed Dreading The Day Ahead Of Them

The best part of your day should be the moment you wake up and realize you’re still alive. We take life for granted too regularly.

10. They’re Not Afraid Of Slowing Down

Emotionally strong people aren’t in need of constant action and excitement. They don’t need to run around all day and keep moving in order to avoid their demons. They appreciate a slow moment because it brings them closer to what it feels like to do nothing but living, breathing. This is not to say that they don’t enjoy excitement in their lives, but they aren’t junkies and are more than happy to just go for a walk and smell the roses.

11. They Don’t Do Things They Don’t Want To Do

We all do things that we don’t love to do, but we should never do things that we don’t want to do. The emotionally strong understand that and almost always manage to figure out a way to focus on what they love, which allows them to figure out what they need to do, in order to do what they love. Although they may not love every second of it, they like doing what they are doing because it’s bringing them one step closer to what they would love to do.

12. They Have No Problem Saying “No”

If you can’t say “no,” you will get abused. You’ll be considered a pushover and no one will ever ask you for your opinion or take it seriously when you give it. Saying “no” reminds people that they don’t have control over you.

13. They Don’t “Forget” To Give Back

We’re not too busy or too poor to donate our money and/or time. We don’t forget, either. Some people just choose to ignore our responsibilities as human beings. The stronger you are emotionally, the more you come to appreciate others and life itself. You give life more worth and you begin to empathize with those who were dealt a bad hand.

14. They Don’t Feel The Need To Fit In

The stronger you are emotionally, the more independent you become. You don’t feel the need to fit in because you fit in where it matters: the world. People form smaller social groups that are often skewed and unhealthy. Wanting to fit in doesn’t say much more than “I’m afraid to be myself.”

15. They Don’t Forget That Happiness Is A Decision

Most importantly, the emotionally strong have learned to understand the power their brains have over both the mind and body. They understand that emotions are reactions, not reactions to direct physical causes, but to the way we perceive those causes. In other words, our emotions don’t reflect reality; rather, our emotions reflect the way we interpret reality. Understanding this gives us near-full control of our emotions and, therefore, our lives.

   In my recovery I use the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.  It is my designs for living.  It is my toolbox.
Here are The 12 Steps:

THE TWELVE STEPS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS 

1.  We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable. 

2.  Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3.  Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4.  Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5.  Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6.  Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7.  Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8.  Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9.  Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10.  Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11.  Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12.  Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

   Working these 12 Steps continually in my life helps me to keep my emotions from getting the better of me and avoid the 15 situations above.  Why didn't I have these tools throughout my life?  Guess I wasn't ready.

   Just some food for thought for today.  Have a mighty fine day!

   For those interested in viewing some of my Gifts in Recovery or Hawaii Art, please visit my website at www.DeesignsByHarris.com or my shop at www.Etsy.com/Shop/DeesignsByHarris.  Mahalo nui loa and Aloha...Dee

When You Bring Consciousness to Anything, Things Begin to Shift - Eve Ensler

When You Bring Consciousness to Anything, Things Begin to Shift - Eve Ensler  

   I’ve been experiencing different things lately.  I try not to think why and to just accept and be grateful for them…but “why” pops into my head.  So when I saw this quote on, of course, Facebook, I felt a correlation of my experiences with these words.

   I was fortunate enough to be able to attend the 50th International Women’s Convention in Honolulu a couple weekends ago.  So being surrounded by over 2,000 awesome and inspiring women in recovery, how can I not experience different things?  Of course I experienced the camaraderie of these women, and our similarities.  I felt their genuine concern for my well-being and their asking nothing in return.  Awesome.  But I had another experience that to me was pretty mind-blowing.

   One of the rooms at the convention was called the Labyrinth Room.  It was a meditation room.  Earlier at the convention one of our sisters was sharing her experience, strength and hope with us mentioning her father.  I knew at the time that her words affected me about the death of my alcoholic father, but thought I stuffed that back inside of me so that I could stay in the “now” of the convention and our speaker and be mindful so I would not miss what I needed to hear.

   When my dad died in Rhode Island we flew one of his buddies out to California for his service.  This friend told us my dad died in the gutters of Rhode Island.  Of course this affected me.  Of course I was saddened.  Stuffed it.  But going through the labyrinth so very quietly listening to the meditational music I felt my dad’s presence.  We walked through the maze together, holding hands, reconnecting, as if walking along the ocean with the waves at our feet.  My dad told me he did not die in the gutters and to let that go.  So I shall.  My dad also told me that even though he was not there for me when I was growing up as a child, he is here for me now…to guide me, to protect me, to love me.  Do you know how comforting this is to me?  Like being carried by my dad from the car to the house in my yellow footed pajamas when I fell asleep on the ride home.  The only meaningful memory I have of my dad as a child.

   I realize now that I am in recovery why I was so afraid of my alcoholic father.  He had such beauty and loving within him but was in his disease.  Yes, I realize that now and wish I could have been there for him, but that wasn’t the way the story was supposed to go.

   We are together now.  My dad’s presence is so strong in my life now, today, at this very moment.  So comforting.  So wonderful.  So grateful.

   As a matter of fact, when I was deep in my own disease and could not, for the life of me, not drink for even one day, I turned to my dad and asked him to please help me.  I knew he understood what I was going through.  He wasn’t a stupid person, nor am I.  He had self-control, as do I.  So soon thereafter I found myself in a 28-day treatment program where my life as I know it today began.  Thank you, Dad.

   And then 13-1/2 years later when I found myself in a relapse, guess who showed up at my son’s wedding in Puerto Vallarta?  Yep.  Dad.  He had died the year before my son was born so they never even met.  Why would he be at this wedding?  But my daughter-in-law’s cousin who gave her a reading before her marriage came to me during the reception to let me know that my dad’s presence was so strong here that she had to share that with me.  Not only did Dad help get me sober the first time, he was watching over me then during my relapse to get me back into recovery again.

   So when I though I was stuffing things into my subconscious for later, I was not.  They were right there waiting for the shift.

   Until next week, my friends.  Have a mighty fine day!  Aloha, Dee.

   P.S.  Adding new “Gifts In Recovery” stained glass pieces to my website this week.  For those interested please visit my site at www.DeesignsByHarris.com.  Enjoy and mahalo!

My Life Doesn't Suck!

  I just can’t seem to get rid of this knot in my gut.  But it’s a good knot, let’s call it a “friendship knot”.  I don’t remember having a happy knot before, remembering only the doom and gloom kind.  So for today, I enjoy this one.

   The knot comes with an overabundance of happiness and emotion.  I have just come home from a magical memory spending the weekend with well over 2,000 women in recovery.  I was so blessed to attend the 50th Annual International Women’s Conference in Honolulu.  I met so many inspirational women, friends, who have from 51 years to 4 days sobriety.  I come home with so much more knowledge, emotion, appreciation and gratitude.  Stories of hopelessness and darkness turned into a white light of optimism, sharing, and unselfish giving.  Whoa.

   And I come home to the Olympics.  Here is where the knot gets tight.  I just want to cry buckets of joy for all the kids and their families we know who are now competing in Sochi.  My flesh just turned to major chicken skin with just the thought as I know and appreciate what these kids and their families have sacrificed to get where they are.  No.  No, I don’t.  Having raised and nurtured two beautiful athletes who never quite made it that level brings back to me the blood, sweat and tears of the journey.  The sacrifice is huge…the rewards huger.  My heart goes out to you, with my admiration and respect.  And for you I have an immense joy…and an immense knot in my gut that is wringing out tears of joy.  Go Team USA!!!  And go Team World because your journeys were not easy.

   And then the icing on the cake.  The 50th Anniversary of the Beatles coming to the US to start their journey on the Ed Sullivan Show.  I so love what the Beatles have given me with their music.  I so love that they grew up with me.  And what a fantastic and beautiful tribute I “got to” enjoy last night.

   Today I am so blessed for all my “got to’s” and so excited for all my “get to’s”.  I am with you Anderson’s in Sochi…as “My Life Doesn’t Suck!” neither.

   With that have an absolutely fine day, cuz we “get to”!  Aloha to you all…Dee

P.S.  For those interested in “Gifts in Recovery” or “Hawai’i Art”, please visit my website at www.DeesignsByHarris.com.  “My Greatest Gift in Recovery is Sharing It With You” and here is another place I “get to” do it.  Mahalo!

One Day at a Time

 We have many slogans and quotes in our fellowship to help us through life clean and sober. At first when I saw them hanging on the walls  I thought "for real?"  But with time, clean and not, I have learned to love these slogans; more importantly, I have learned to live these slogans, as they make the course of each and every day a smoother ride.  I believe these slogans not only help those with addictions but help all of us enjoy each day as it was meant to be enjoyed. 
  "Easy Does It" helps me to be less intense.  "First Things First" helps me to prioritize.  "Live and Let Live" helps me to live in acceptance. "But for the Grace of God" helps me to remember I am not doing this alone.  "One Day at a Time" helps me to take baby steps toward my dreams and aspirations.  "Let Go and Let God" reminds me that I am not in control and to enjoy the ride. 
  I use these sayings each and every day. They just pop into my head at the times most needed. "Think...Think...Think" is one with which I battled as all through my addiction I thought and rationalized way too much.  I had to learn to live an entirely different way and listen to my heart, not my brain. Today I am able to think with my heart.
  I love "KISS...Keep it Simple Stupid" as I tend to create huge mountains of mole hills around me.  An attraction I have to Hawai'i is her simplicity. In this stage of my life I crave simplicity. This slogan helps me to stay on track.
  "This Too Shall Pass" helps me to realize that whatever I have on my plate right now is part of my journey and shall subside into bigger and better things. "Faith Without Works is Dead" tells me to walk my talk.  "To Thine Own Self Be True" helps me to love and accept myself for who and what I am.
  See how these simple little words beautifully linked together can help one live an easy, simple, optimistic and meaningful existence?  One that really holds strong for me is "Keep Coming Back...It Works" as when I was over 13 years clean and sober and moved to Hawai'i I thought I was fixed. I stopped going to meetings and picking up the phone. More importantly I stopped giving back to those who gave to me when I needed them most. So I picked up.  Duh!  That should be a slogan!  So "Keep Right Size" is another good one.
  A few more of my favorites are "Sobriety is a Journey...Not a Destination", "Live in the NOW", "There are No Coincidences", "Willingness is Key" and "You Will Be Amazed".
  Many, many great slogans and tools for living life on life's terms.  I value each and every one of them. See if one of these slogans can help you through today and appreciate who you are, where you are, who you're with, and what you're doing. If not check out HALT...Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, because when I just can't turn things around and get back on track, I'm usually in HALT.  Don't go there...not pretty.
  Have a mighty fine day, my friends.  There are no coincidences that we are in each other's lives!
  For those interested in some of these slogans incorporated into art pieces, please visit my website at www.DeesignsByHarris.com and check out Gifts in Recovery. Mahalo!