LETTING GO

When I Let Go of What I Am, I Become What I Might Be

---Tao Te Ching

   As I enjoy today's meditation from 21 Days of Gratitude from MentorsChannel.com, so much has been brought to mind about the past two months since I retired from Safeway to pursue my passion in art and create a new business, Deesigns by Harris.  And I am taught early in the meditation "should random thoughts appear accept them and allowance them to move through your consciousness as floating clouds that appear then disappear".  In other words, "Be quiet, Brain!"
   With my meditation now complete I am urged to write the feelings that have come to me from this morning's quiet time.  The topic for today is "Setting Goals and Letting Go".  I love the reinforcement of going with the flow and letting go of expectations.  I have learned in AA "No expectations. No disappointments".  Great slogan. I love that I can be grateful for this day, for the moment, that it is the only thing that matters. I often lose sight of this simple message as the day evolves and things get crazy...as I get crazy, as I allow myself to get crazy.
   Thought for the day "I set my goals, allow the power of the living universe to take over...and I enjoy the ride".  How sweet is that?  Another slogan "Let Go.  Let God". For me to follow my heart and quiet my brain is a work in progress. To have accepted that I am not in charge, never have been, never will be.  Such an easier, softer way to live rather than being in control, or thinking I was.  That conflict and friction that lived within me, tormented me for most of my life, has now been removed.
   Getting back to these last two months, I had no idea how to put together an online business to sell my art. My passion is creating art, not selling it. So I study and study, and research and research, trial and error, hit and miss, so on and so forth.  I have learned so much each and every day.  It's awesome and exciting and rejuvenating!  Yes, change is good. Such a journey getting from point A to point B. Sometimes that includes doing things we're not so fond of doing, but yet still part of the journey to achieve the dream.
   So as I let go of what I am, a new entrepreneur in a high tech world off to sell her passion, I am able to become what I might be...an artist who gets to share her gifts with those who want to enjoy those gifts and a part of my life creating them.  Such hope and dreams await me at the end of the rainbow!  As I let go of what I am, an alcoholic in recovery, I am able to become what I might be, a caring person who offers hope, a kind word, and a smile to the newcomer who has yet to find peace.
   When I am able to set my goals and then let them go like stress clouds during meditation, things just start to happen just the way they are supposed to. And I am right where I need to be.  On my journey.
   It is the mystery of the unknown that adds color and dimension to our lives.  Let go, let God, move into that place of wonder and breathe in the magic!  Walk in gratitude today giving thanks for your ability not only to dream the dream, but to live them.
   Thank you Louie Schwartzberg for a beautiful meditation and inspirational words. With that I leave you to have a mighty fine day. Until next week...Aloha, Dee.
   For those interested in visiting my website of Gifts in Recovery and Hawai'i Art, please visit my website at www.DeesignsByHarris.com.  Mahalo!

RISE EVERY TIME YOU FALL

Our Greatest Glory is Not in Never Falling,

But in Rising Every Time We Fall (Confucius)

  When I read this quote from Confucius I reminisced about these last couple of years and the relapses I've experienced. Having come to terms 15 years ago that I indeed had a problem with drinking, or stopping drinking, that was all well and fine. Not to make light of it because it was HUGE, life changing!  But my greatest glories have come from my falls...my relapses.
  I stayed clean and sober for over 13 years once surrendering to this disease of alcoholism.  I did all that was suggested...for awhile. This "one day at a time" program works both ways. "One day at a time we stay sober" if we do as the program of AA teaches us. And "one day at a time" we get drunk when we stop.
  You see it is so easy to forget how bad it was when we stop going to meetings and reaching out to newcomers. We forget how hopeless we felt the first day we walked into the rooms of AA.  We forget how hard that first year of sober holidays and days that end in "y" were.  We forget how relieved we were to be welcomed and loved and understood by those who suffered through the same experiences. So easy to forget when life is going so well and you're not drinking.
  And you know it's not all about not drinking. That's just a symptom of our disease. Suddenly we find the old behaviors starting to resurface. We find that we're no longer so kind and understanding and giving. The ego starts to take over once again. We get selfish with our gift of sobriety and forget to be grateful that today we have a choice to not drink or drug.
  So there's my story in a nutshell. I stopped giving away what was so freely given to me when I needed it most. A hug, a welcome smile, and hope. With that I picked up.
  I know now the reasons why. Bottom line I stopped hearing how bad it is to be active in the disease. I let my insurance policy expire by separating myself from the fellowship.  I stopped going to meetings to hear how prescription drugs can churn up that part of my brain that says, "Drink!  Use!"  Once that line was crossed the disease immediately took over every fiber of my being, every waking moment of every day of relapse.
  But I am so glad to say that AA taught me how powerful this disease is. And even though I wasn't getting drunk and I didn't HAVE to drink everyday, I knew I was well on my way back there to losing everything dear to me to shoot up in some dark abandoned building, prostitute myself, and live from a dumpster.  For real!  No laughing matter. Life or death. I'd choose death over having to live that way...as sadly many of our fellows have.
  Yes, my greatest glory came from relapsing and then being so scared of where I might end up that I checked myself right back into reality. I got right-sized again and relearned everything I absorbed as a sponge when I first got sober. But this time I shall stay close to the fellowship and do the footwork suggested to me. This time I shall give away what was so freely given to me. I shall do my best to be my best. Because I'm selfish and I don't want to lose a minute of this wonderful sober life I have today. I don't want to waste a moment of thought or energy to negativity when I can live a positive, optimistic, purposeful way of life.
  And with that I shall leave you to have a mighty fine day because you can. Stay hopeful; stay positive; stay loving.  Aloha...Dee Harris
  For those interested in "Gifts in Recovery" or "Hawaii Art", please visit my website at www.DeesignsByHarris.com. Mahalo!

SETTING BOUNDARIES

As I Lovingly Set Boundaries in My Life,

 I Celebrate the Freedom to Give from the Deepest Part of My Soul

   I have always been a people pleaser going out of my way to make sure your needs we're taken care of before mine and even before my family's. Why?  Fear and insecurity...in myself. I did not have enough love and self-esteem in myself, of myself, to say "no".  I was fearful you might not like me, that I might not be accepted by you or my peers or even by strangers.
   As I complete my morning meditation from the Mentors Channel with Louie Schwartzberg and Dr. Pamela Peeke, I realize just how important setting boundaries actually is and how necessary they are for good health and balance as well.  Setting boundaries shows we value our time and our energy. Creating personal boundaries builds self-esteem, reduces stress and teaches people how to treat us.  When we honor what is most important to us we honor others as well.
   As children we are taught it is better to give than to receive.  Shouldn't we give to ourselves as well?  It is not necessary to see say "yes" to every request.  Saying "no" can be a loving gesture that insures a harmonious future in any relationship. Setting boundaries is simple when it is done with love, from the heart, with a desire to have honesty as the foundation of all our relationships.
   And it is important to protect our personal boundaries once they are set...and to be grateful for them. When we are grateful we alter the way our genes talk to the rest of our body. And the change in gene expression alters our destiny. When we practice the attitude of gratitude we check in with ourselves and go inward. We enhance our integrative thinking in our brain housing executive function and creativity.
   As I work on setting my personal boundaries today I set myself free. I am creating a sense of deep gratitude. Taking care of myself is the holy act of gratitude
   With that, I wish for you a mighty fine day and much aloha.  Respect yourself.  Love yourself.
   For those interested in Gifts in Recovery and Hawaii Art, please visit my website at www.DeesignsByHarris.com.  Mahalo.

MANA...SPIRITUAL POWER, DIVINE POWER, AUTHORITY

Mana...Spiritual Power, Divine Power, Authority

   In Hawaiian culture, Mana is a form of a spiritual energy and also healing power which can exist in places, objects and persons. It is the Hawaiian belief that there is a chance to gain mana and lose mana in everything that you do. It is also the Hawaiian belief that mana is an external as well as an internal thing.  In people, mana is often possessed or gained through pono (balance) actions, reflecting the balance that exists in the world and humanity's responsibility toward maintaining that balance.
   As I vacationed in Hawaii the Mana was so apparent each and every time I returned. And each time it became stronger until I finally surrendered to its calling and made Hawaii my home.  I love the Mana here as it is so healing to me and so magical. I have a contentment, fullness and sense of belonging I've not experienced before.
   The Mana here has allowed my passion for art to once again resurface. My art gives me balance and a sense of well-being. It is my therapy and meditation. It is my joy. Thank you for letting me share my passion for art and for life!
   But most importantly, the Mana in Hawai'i is allowing me, gifting me, with the ability to heal through a dreadful sickness, the disease of alcoholism. I believe that I was called here, pulled here, for a purpose. I believe that relapse was part of this healing and spiritual journey. The Mana here has left me with no regrets, of alcoholism, of relapse, of being me.  Occurrences that I would have once considered negative I can now grasp as positive pieces to the puzzle that make up my life. Had everything in my life been handed to me on a silver platter, I know from deep within me they would go unnoticed and unappreciated. I'm glad for everything that has happened in my 58 years on this planet. And if I were to be taken away today I would have no remorse nor regrets. For that I am grateful. For that I want to share and give hope to those who haven't reached here yet.
   And if I remain on this planet a little while longer, I shall continue to arise every morning with gratitude and excitement for what the day shall bring. I will try to be my best and encourage others to do the same.  For today I know I have a purpose to give hope and optimism and laughter. What a great life!
   With that I shall end this blog for this week. Please choose to have a mighty fine day...and remember you can start your day over at any time. Today we have choices.
   For those interested in my artwork with emphasis on "Gifts in Recovery" and "Hawai'i Art"', please visit my website at www.DeesignsByHarris.com. Mahalo and Aloha!