When You Bring Consciousness to Anything, Things Begin to Shift - Eve Ensler

When You Bring Consciousness to Anything, Things Begin to Shift - Eve Ensler  

   I’ve been experiencing different things lately.  I try not to think why and to just accept and be grateful for them…but “why” pops into my head.  So when I saw this quote on, of course, Facebook, I felt a correlation of my experiences with these words.

   I was fortunate enough to be able to attend the 50th International Women’s Convention in Honolulu a couple weekends ago.  So being surrounded by over 2,000 awesome and inspiring women in recovery, how can I not experience different things?  Of course I experienced the camaraderie of these women, and our similarities.  I felt their genuine concern for my well-being and their asking nothing in return.  Awesome.  But I had another experience that to me was pretty mind-blowing.

   One of the rooms at the convention was called the Labyrinth Room.  It was a meditation room.  Earlier at the convention one of our sisters was sharing her experience, strength and hope with us mentioning her father.  I knew at the time that her words affected me about the death of my alcoholic father, but thought I stuffed that back inside of me so that I could stay in the “now” of the convention and our speaker and be mindful so I would not miss what I needed to hear.

   When my dad died in Rhode Island we flew one of his buddies out to California for his service.  This friend told us my dad died in the gutters of Rhode Island.  Of course this affected me.  Of course I was saddened.  Stuffed it.  But going through the labyrinth so very quietly listening to the meditational music I felt my dad’s presence.  We walked through the maze together, holding hands, reconnecting, as if walking along the ocean with the waves at our feet.  My dad told me he did not die in the gutters and to let that go.  So I shall.  My dad also told me that even though he was not there for me when I was growing up as a child, he is here for me now…to guide me, to protect me, to love me.  Do you know how comforting this is to me?  Like being carried by my dad from the car to the house in my yellow footed pajamas when I fell asleep on the ride home.  The only meaningful memory I have of my dad as a child.

   I realize now that I am in recovery why I was so afraid of my alcoholic father.  He had such beauty and loving within him but was in his disease.  Yes, I realize that now and wish I could have been there for him, but that wasn’t the way the story was supposed to go.

   We are together now.  My dad’s presence is so strong in my life now, today, at this very moment.  So comforting.  So wonderful.  So grateful.

   As a matter of fact, when I was deep in my own disease and could not, for the life of me, not drink for even one day, I turned to my dad and asked him to please help me.  I knew he understood what I was going through.  He wasn’t a stupid person, nor am I.  He had self-control, as do I.  So soon thereafter I found myself in a 28-day treatment program where my life as I know it today began.  Thank you, Dad.

   And then 13-1/2 years later when I found myself in a relapse, guess who showed up at my son’s wedding in Puerto Vallarta?  Yep.  Dad.  He had died the year before my son was born so they never even met.  Why would he be at this wedding?  But my daughter-in-law’s cousin who gave her a reading before her marriage came to me during the reception to let me know that my dad’s presence was so strong here that she had to share that with me.  Not only did Dad help get me sober the first time, he was watching over me then during my relapse to get me back into recovery again.

   So when I though I was stuffing things into my subconscious for later, I was not.  They were right there waiting for the shift.

   Until next week, my friends.  Have a mighty fine day!  Aloha, Dee.

   P.S.  Adding new “Gifts In Recovery” stained glass pieces to my website this week.  For those interested please visit my site at www.DeesignsByHarris.com.  Enjoy and mahalo!