ALOHA MONDAY BLOG

WHEN I GROW UP I WANT TO BE AN ALCOHOLIC…AND AN ARTIST

Aaahhh!  The Blessings!  Not a bad way to blog!

   When I was younger I never said I wanted to be an alcoholic when I grow up.  Too short to be a model or a stewardess.  Voice not good enough to be a rock star.  Too shy to be a movie star.

   But I did have a passion for creating things.  I loved designing paper doll clothes,  making troll doll clothes, then my own school clothes.   I made my own jewelry and India bedspread halter tops and curtains for my '68 Dodge van.   I painstakingly patched my raunchiest bell-bottom jeans with scraps of the bedspread material all over the barest spots and strutted around in my leather-fringed jacket and John Lennon glasses.  And  my gifts were all handmade!

   So the artist thing has always been there with me.  Just didn't realized the alcoholic thing was there as well, until somehow in the 90's I found myself drinking everyday, having to drink everyday, and realizing I was obsessed with it…and life was in the way of allowing me to do that.

   Many years have come and gone living that way.  As a matter of fact, I can't remember my adult life not living that way.  I continued being creative and even sold my stained-glass art for a living for some years. 

   Back in '98 while working a "real" job I found myself asking my dad up in Heaven to help me stop drinking.  Dad had died of the disease of alcoholism back in '83 in the gutters of Rhode Island.  This is my assumption from what I've heard.  I was always afraid of Dad, unaware as a child he was tormented by this disease as well.

   Dad helped me.  I reached my hand out, swallowed my pride, embarassment and shame.   Went to treatment for 28 days which was the beginning of a life that now has purpose and meaning.

   For over 13 years I was clean. I started out as the AA poster child.  Then "one day at a time" I stopped going to meetings, stopped contact with the fellowship, stopped giving back what was so freely given to me back when I needed it most. 

   So after having said "No thank you. I haven't had a drink in over 13 years, I picked up that shot that was left for me and immediately felt the Devil take over me...mind, body and spirit.  The old behavior immediately surfaced. The shame, guilt and disappointment was back.

   Dad came to my rescue again at my son's wedding in Puerto Vallarta.  I know he was there because my daughter-in-law's cousin who does readings felt his tremendously strong presence there.   I was shaken.

   Upon returning home I sought professional assistance.  I was scared.  I was scared of me!  I didn't want to go back to having no choice about drinking.

   My family physician and psychologist encouraged me back into AA…into another new beginning of a life that has even more purpose and more meaning.  Had I not relapsed I wouldn't have started making my AA Triangles and I wouldn't have started selling them to my brothers and sisters in the fellowship.  See how the HP works?   See how The Promises come true?  See how the pieces of the puzzle start to fit together?

   It's always been my dream to be an artist.  HP gave me that gift and now I get to share it.  I get to share even more by giving back my recovery by being present for those who need it most...pay it forward!

   When I grow up I want to be an alcoholic.  Were I not doesn't mean not being an artist.  But it does mean I now realize I’m not in control, that things happen for a reason, and I am totally grateful and humbled by being an alcoholic.  How cool is that?

   Oh yeah, if you're interested in experiencing my AA Gifts in Recovery, check out my website at DeesignsByHarris.com or my Etsy Shop at Etsy.com/shop/DeesignsByHarris.

Yep, too cool!